Developing Self-Awareness

"95% of people think they're self-aware, where in actuality only 10 to 15% really are."

As we move into Spring, a time for new beginnings, for starting something new, I want to take the time to discuss something that is essential to transformation – Awareness.

Photo by Kyle Johnson on Unsplash

What do I mean by awareness? And what type of awareness am I speaking of here?

There are several forms of awareness: self-awareness (internal and external) and conscious awareness. For the purposes of this article, I will be focusing on internal self-awareness.

Self-awareness is a proper understanding of oneself. We gain this understanding by reflecting inward on our motivations, our thoughts, our beliefs, and our feelings. Through self-awareness we understand how we present ourselves to the world and the relationships we have with others.

Conscious awareness means being aware of your surroundings, environment, and body. With conscious awareness we get a true sense of our physical form and the messages our body is giving us. When we are aware of our surroundings and our environment, we are better able to navigate and impact our own reality.

“We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.” -Sheryl Sandberg

Internal self-awareness requires us to go within and to get know ourselves, our patterns, and our beliefs.

A recent study showed that ”95% of people think they're self-aware, where in actuality only 10 to 15% really are.”

Why the disparity?

First, we all have blind spots. Our mind is wired to operate on autopilot, where we are unaware of the patterns of our behavior and reactions. Basically, our subconscious runs about 90-95% of our life, and a lot of this programming actually occurs before the age of seven.

Second, it’s easier when we see ourselves in a more positive light – we think we are happier that way – or at least our ego does. Our ego and our mind do not want us to “rock the boat.” Perhaps a part of us knows that once we gain awareness we can never go back. Ignorance is bliss is a very dangerous place to be when it comes to our own self-awareness.

“You become personally responsible for everything in your life, once you become aware that you are personally responsible for everything in your life.” – Bruce Lipton, PhD

Third, there is a factor called the “cult of self” – an ethos where the main focus is the gratification of our individual desires to the exclusion of all else. We are an ego-centric society, which, for example, can be witnessed in the rampant materialism and social media aspects of our culture.

Fourth, we live in a culture where distractions rule our daily lives – especially the distraction of digital living. Distraction can seek us out – all of those notifications beeping and pinging, calling us to pay attention to them. Phones can be a major distraction. Yes, they may allow us to organize our lives, to communicate more with those far away from us – but this comes at a cost when we are not mindful of how it is disrupting our lives and negatively impacting our relationships with those closest to us. Why is life suddenly moving so quickly? becomes a common question for those living distracted lives. Our minds become scattered and we lose the ability to engage in deeper thinking – we lose touch with ourselves and with the Divine.

Fifth, we are a very masculine driven culture (doing/action) and have lost balance between doing and Being. We fill our schedules believing it is better to always be “productive,” forgetting the fact that our most productive and creative moments happen when we slow down and learn to Be. Slowing down isn’t lazy, it’s necessary so that we can ensure that the actions we do take are with real intention and meaning, versus just general busyness.

Seeking, cultivating, and gaining awareness can take a lot of courage.

We need to be willing to sit in discomfort, to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves, and be able to listen to compassionate criticism. We need to be willing to change.

Awareness is a large component of our lifelong journey towards understanding who we are and why we are here and is a necessary first step towards transformation.

If you have a desire to make a change in your life, you need to have the self-awareness to know where you are in the present moment, and understand what daily actions are needed for you to adopt that change. You need the awareness so you can overcome any potentials blocks or self-sabotaging ways that interfere - and they will, we all have them. Awareness also helps you to understand your intention, or your why.

How do we become more aware of our beliefs, our behaviors, our reactions, and our thoughts?

Cultivating internal self-awareness begins with stillness and learning to stay in the present moment.

There is no right or wrong way to approach it – whatever resonates with you is what is right for you.

As long as you listen to your heart and not your mind, you will find your way to stillness and internal awareness.

Some ways we can bring stillness into our life:

First – all of the below suggestions require that we set technology aside. Do not have your phone with you while taking the time to find that quiet place within. No TV, no computers. The only thing you need for this is you.

• Escape to a quiet place for ten minutes – even if it is your closet. Get comfortable, close your eyes, and just sit in silence. Thoughts will come – let them – but do not analyze them, do not think further on them, and do not judge them. Just let them pass through.

• Practice staying present while enjoying your morning tea or coffee. Find a quiet place, get comfortable, and enjoy the moment. Notice the flavor, the warmth, the smell, the sensations as you drink your tea or coffee. Feel the cup in your hand. Listen to the sounds around you while you. Take a deep breath, and then another, and let the cares of the world drop away. The only thing that exists is you and your cup of tea or coffee. Drink it like it is the best thing you have ever experienced in your life.

• Get outside. Go sit on your front porch or in your backyard, or go to a beach or a park. Do this without your phone. Practice sitting in silence and being present in the moment. Watch the trees, and how still they can be. Watch life happen around you and see how you are connected to it all.

• Do some yoga poses — such as child’s pose or downward facing dog for a minute or two. You can use this as a simple meditation – where you stay with your breath and body for a few minutes.

• Go for a walk. While this isn’t physical stillness, it can be a way to tune out the world and do a walking form of meditation and mindfulness practice. Focus on your breathing, on the movement of your body and how it feels when your feet strike the ground. Smell the air around you, feel the breeze, hear the sounds, and see the trees, the sky, the sun, and the life around you.

• Engage in creativity. Color in a mandala or some type of adult coloring book, enjoying the silence and the stillness while you do so. Work with clay. Paint or sketch whatever comes to mind. Pull out your camera and focus on capturing life on film. Write. Cook. Free dance. Play a musical instrument and feel it while you do so.

• Read scripture or spiritual writings and reflect on them. Whether it is a verse or chapter from the bible, a favorite quote, spiritual teachings, stories passed down in indigenous cultures. Take a moment to read and quietly reflect.

• Gratitude and prayer. This can be a form of meditation and prayer or something you journal. Taking the time to be grateful and to spend a few minutes sending love or compassion towards others can bring about a sense of stillness within.

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

How can we use stillness to cultivate awareness?

• Pay attention to and assess how you feel in that moment. Are you tired, anxious, frustrated, irritated, fearful, calm, happy, relaxed? Stay with these feelings for a while, looking at them with curiosity and being non-judgmental about them.

• Assess your recent behavior (today, or in the previous hour) … Have you been focused and productive? Have you been constantly distracted? Do you feel scatter brained? Have you been procrastinating? Anxious or fearful? Irritated and over-reactive? Feeling down?

• Face each of the feelings and behaviors you’re noticing and find the mental pattern or belief that is behind them.

  • If you’re frustrated, are you stuck in a resentful story about someone else or your current situation?

  • If you’re anxious, is there some desired outcome that you’re holding tightly to?

  • If you’re feeling down, are you comparing your situation with some ideal that you don’t have?

Often times, simply becoming aware of our feelings and behaviors can give us a whole new perspective. It allows us to be more emotionally intelligent as we go about our daily lives, and you will find your relationship with yourself and others improving.

What happens when you are still in a cycle of anxiety, depression, or fear that you just can't shake.

Or, what if you can't find the ability to focus because your thoughts are racing and your mind seems scattered?

How can you reset so you can find that place of stillness?

1. Stop. Pause. Take a long deep breath and then another.

2. Bring your attention to the area around your heart. If your heart is racing in this moment, pay that no mind.

3. You simply need to shift your consciousness from your mind and its racing thoughts to your heart. Sit there, feel that space, your heart center.

4. Now breath deeply as if you are breathing through your heart. In and out. Do this for a couple of minutes keeping your breaths slow and deep. It can help if your exhales are longer than your inhales.

5. Now, focus on a positive feeling – it can be love, joy, excitement, peace, happiness. Recall a time when you felt that feeling and call it up into your imagination. Feel that feeling now. Focus on being joyful, or peaceful, or happy. Do this while continuing to focus on your heart space and breathing deeply.

6. Congratulations. You have just brought your heart back into coherence, and you now feel calmer and more emotionally regulated.

7. Take a moment to express gratitude before leaving this space.

8. Bring this feeling with you as you continue with your day.

You can do this exercise any time you need it. It is very effective and takes very little time.

Our theme for this month has been awareness, precisely because we are entering spring – a time for beginnings, for growth, and for transformation – and therefore a time when awareness is needed.

For those who follow the rhythm of the seasons, you would have spent the winter months in hibernation – a time for inner reflection and deep inner work.

If you are just getting started, and these concepts are new to you, there is no better time to start than now.

If you’d like to read more on Cultivating Awareness, our Monthly Summit (a short eBook) is available for purchase HERE.

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